Coffee deprived
by NymphadoraTonks11
Summary: The Rangers have run out of coffee! Oh no! Find out what happens when the Rangers are coffee-deprived.
1. Chapter 1

**Hya! First try at a one-shot!** **This is my pathetic attempt.**

It was bad.

Very bad.

Apocalyptic bad.

The Rangers had run out of coffee.

Start running.

Why aren't you running?

Will was hanging from a tree.

Halt was handing out free lollies.

Crowley bought a pet monkey.

Ranger 50 was doing ballet.

Ranger 1's apprentice burned down her tent.

Alyss and Pauline stood no chance.

Or did they?

'COFFEE!'

Well that's that.

Turns out they stood a chance after all.

Let's just hope Crowley recovers from his monkey bites.

All Will from his fall.

And Halt from his trauma.

Uh oh...

Brace yourselves.

Wait for it...

'THIS IS DECAF!'

Poor Couriers.

They'll never be the same.

But never give a Ranger decaf.

Especially coffee-deprived ones.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you Guest! This person pointed out that I had left out Gilan. So here's the answer! I'm rather proud of it. Warning, it does contain the word 'damn' a lot.**

**Disclaimer: Is the floor cold? No? Then hell hasn't frozen over. I don't own the Ranger's Apprentice series. John Flanagan does.**

Gilan cackled to himself.

He had stolen the Ranger's entire coffee supply.

He hugged the coffee tighter.

Hang on...

He needed water to make coffee.

Damn.

And honey.

Damn.

AND he had to watch out for furious Rangers.

Damn.

"Hand over the coffee and no one gets hurt." A voice breathed.

Gilan had forgotten to watch out for Halt.

Damn.

BAM!

He hadn't answered Halt.

He heard a distant laughter.

The rest of the Ranger Corps.

Damn.

He would never live it down.

Was that a monkey...?

Damn.


	3. Honey, Pass Me The Honey!

**Hya! So it's been a few years, and I am- at heart- a show off. So I decided to see if I could improve! And trawling back through the reviews, moniquebowman stated that she would love to see something more substantial. So here we are! _(This ended up, funnily enough, extremely insubstantial. But shhhhh!)_**

**There'll probably be more chapters. I'm not going to delete the first ones since you all seem to find them hilarious, but we'll see.**

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: Oh, wow. Is that a flying moose majestically trampling the sky gods? No? Then good, you are- in fact- sober and conscious, so you can tell that I am not in fact John Flanagan, just a temporary stand-in until the security guards figure out where I went and come to kick me out. Enjoy!**

"Halt dear, don't you think you're being a tad bit dramatic?"

"But Halt-"

"_Halt!_"

"Good. Now put back the coffee."

"Halt, put back the coffee _this instant!_"

"_Halt! Do not jump out that window, or I swear I'll switch to decaf for two months and you will be forced to drink every last drop!"_

"And _then _I'll switch to expresso and laugh!"

"Good, now put down the pot."

"No, you may not have honey."

"Do not call me 'honey.' It won't work."

"Do I need to call Will, Horace, and Gilan?"

"Halt O'Carrick, you are _asking _to be sent to Crowley!"

"Halt, you are a mature adult. Surely you are able to tell that _throwing Baron Arald out the window is not a good idea!"_

"You are incredibly lucky he forgave you, dear."

"NO! Halt, you are _not _getting any more coffee!"

"Why? Do you remember _The Incident?"_

"It is a perfectly fine reason to ban you from coffee, Halt!"

"Halt, love, don't be a child. It's only for a week."

"Crowley, take Halt. He's maddening."

"_You too?!"_

"Will, Gilan, are you caffeinated as well?"

"Right, the lot of you can be sent off."

"_I don't care!_"

"WANDA!"

"Here, Wanda. Can you please take the Rangers to the stables? I'm afraid someone drugged their drinks."

"Thank you, Wanda. _Halt, Crowley, behave."_

"Alyss, there you are! _Thank heavens!_"

"Sorry Alyss, you may not see Will for a number of weeks."

"Why is everybody questioning me? Alyss, it's for your own good."

"Fine, they got their hands on coffee."

"Yes, _I am aware_, Alyss!"

"Thank you."

_CRASH._

"That would be the boys, then."

"No, Alyss dear. It's just better to pretend we didn't hear."

_BOOM._

"..."

"Don't move. We aren't home, and we have no coffee. Capisce?"

"Good. Now, RUN!"

* * *

**I don't think this is any good, but I'll leave it here to see if you guys like it.**

**Bya!**

**-Tonks**


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